Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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