You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
