I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
