My liver just broke up with me...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
