just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
