my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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