Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize