exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
