i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
