Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
