please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
