from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
