I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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