Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
