I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
