My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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