Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
