i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
