Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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