her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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