He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
