I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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