Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
