im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish you could order shots online.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
