it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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