Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize