remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
