my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
