I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think pants incapable of making pants work
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
