I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
