woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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