I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
