Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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