You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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