There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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