My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
