flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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