Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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