Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
