I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
