Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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