If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
