i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
