return my video game
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
