Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
