New invention idea: vibrating tampons
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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