we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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