Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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