so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
