The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
