I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
