dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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