they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
