my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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