i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
