I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
