my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
