we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
