I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
