My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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