He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
