So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
