I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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