that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
