so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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