If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
