It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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