I think I am morally bankrupt
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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