Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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