if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
