Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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