you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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