be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
