just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Don't EVER smell your tampon
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
