Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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