We're like a lot better than the average bears
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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