Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
