I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
