I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
