Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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